This actually should be the name for all my blog entries, lol and not lol.

This is the second chapter of my life when I feel I don’t fit in. Where? One may wonder. In the social human construct.

I remember this feeling when I was a child. Feeling I don’t belong anywhere with people. And I’m not talking about specifics, but in general. I feel like I don’t belong to any box. And is not in the tint of “oh, I’m so special” no, I ran away from it when I was younger. I wanted to be like others, less intense, more social, more pretty, I tried to talk about trends…and ugh, I never know what is trending lol, because I-don’t-care.

But I tried.

It went well…until it didn’t.

I find really hard to get people to understand that my love for them is not related to the amount of hours we might spend together. I burn out easily when I’m with people. I feel light, free and fulfilled alone, by myself.

I don’t think my words and that might hurt a few.
I’m very unattached to most of the people, and apparently that makes me weird or a bad person in the eyes of some.

I prefer to read a book or listen to a video when I want to learn things instead of asking someone.
I cry for anything genuine, I cry because of beauty.

I’ve tried, I promise I’ve tried to participate in those conversations where everybody is complaining or gossiping and I can’t, I mean like, I don’t enjoy it. I’m a annoying optimist, but not because it’s a posture I chose, but because I do believe in magic and miracles. I simply do.

So I just shut up and I become the weird friend that doesn’t talk in the reunion.

I would eat just marshmallows in a dinner out with friends if I feel like, but then all the questioning and laughs.

And for so long I managed to be ok somewhere between my weirdness and what apparently is required to have a normal social life. Not doing things my soul would cry or regret for, but compromises.

But then a new Weird chapter came with my new life.

And I remember the weirdness.
I’ve felt the uncomfortable silences (not mine, I love silence), the “why are you being like this?” looks, the intense tone of voices…

This time I’m working in going back to normal. My normal.
Feeling great about feeling different. Because I truly believe everybody is different and awesomely special, but some are better fitting the boxes than others. And they manage to feel good about the box they are in. I can’t feel good in a box.

This time I don’t care about the looks, the comments…this time I feel complete.

And I have some scales that I need to rip of my skin, because they are not mine. I’m loving this journey, I feel I’m coming back to the origin. And I’m committed to squeeze every single part of the path and enjoy the process.

I wasn’t sure if I should click the publish button on this.

But that was my sign to publish it.

If you read this, thank you so much.
I send a big cosmic hug, full of love and joy.

Love & Sparkles